A Best Man’s speech is certainly a nerve-wracking occasion. I don’t envy anyone who has to do it. I did it once, for my brother. I hated it! (sorry Paul)
We’ve seen many Best Man speeches. There have been fantastic ones. There have been painfully awful ones. And then there’s the one we dread most…. The Googled Best Man Speech!
Googling “Best Man speech” brings up plenty of sites with lists of jokes, some good, some completely unfunny. The problem is we hear the same jokes again and again. So, in the interests of wedding photographers’ sanity, I’ll list the Top 12 most over-used, and not even very good, Best Man jokes in the UK. If you’re going to be someone’s Best Man sometime soon, we implore you to avoid them. Although some might have found this blog through Google and use all twelve in their speech!
1. “Fornication!” (Then make an awkward face, squint and look at the paper again) “Oh, I’m sorry… For an occasion such as this…”
2. I’ve known John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him. I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him… but enough about the stag do…
3. I must admit to feeling a little nervous. In fact, it’s not the first time today I’ve stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.
4. I did feel a little nervous at first but John’s assured me, if I do a good job, I can be best man at his next wedding.
5. It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers (tears).
6. John, she’s a lovely girl and deserves a good husband. Thank God you married her before she found one.
7. Now it gives me great pleasure to ask you all to raise your glasses for some very important people, without whom today would not be the same. Would you please raise your glasses to toast.. The bar staff.
8. It’s my job to give the groom the most uncomfortable few minutes of his life. The bride’s most uncomfortable few minutes will come later tonight when they get back to their room.
9. Marriage is a 3 ring circus: The engagement ring, the wedding ring and finally the suffering.
10. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
11. I’ve been told to keep my speech to the same amount of time it takes for John to make love. (Pause for a moment, and sit down).
12. Being asked to be the Best Man is like being asked to sleep with the Queen. It’s a great honour but nobody really wants to do it.
Anybody want to add any more to the list?? Drop me an email.